He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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