Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I got inside last night via doggy door
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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