i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
