Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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