If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just tell him i said nine months
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
