Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
