i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
