Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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