Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
