If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
