I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
