There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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