So drunk its hurt
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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