Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
