Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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