Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
