This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
