The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
