I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
