I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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