is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
