sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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