Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
