YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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