she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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