Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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