I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
