I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
