Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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