It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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