Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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