so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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