Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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