So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
