I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
