i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
