he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
