Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
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Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize