she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
