So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
