"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
