I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
