You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
we're chasing vodka with high fives
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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