Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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