Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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