just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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