his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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