I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's never too late to be topless.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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