and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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