cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
