so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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