It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
