Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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