I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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