We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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