I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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