I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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