walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
