Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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