The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
