No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Two words: nipple clamps
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