For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
